A Gentleman's Gourmet: The Art of Losing Your Mind in the Kitchen
Be honest, when was the last time you touched the stove? last week? month? YEAR???
If you’re looking to spice things up in the kitchen and set things on fire, literally and figuratively, then this section is just for you. No really, this is just for you because I can’t afford alot of bandwidth in my website. I want to keep it one person per households.
Whether you've accidentally made coffee with salt instead of sugar, boiled an egg without water, or even attempted to fry an egg in the microwave (we don't judge here, but seriously this would just make you a horrible person), this is the place to be. We'll embrace your kitchen mishaps and turn them into delicious disasters.
We're about shaking up the food scene and breaking the boring old trends. Instead of putting eggs on toast, why not switch things up and put toast ON eggs? just imagine the number of possibilities we have here.
One final tip: don't just cook to survive, cook to remember. We're here to help you make unforgettable memories in the kitchen (even if all of them are not all good ones). So without further ado, let's get cooking and kick off the first series of the Gentlemen's Gourmet, the world’s number 1 corner of unconventional recipes.
Hearty Authentic Fajita Juice
Origin:
You will need to sit down for this: so there was this really old and ancient tablet found somewhere really legit. The first translation of this ancient relic contained translations of a set of recipes.
It all started in ancient Italy, when a chef was beefing up some fajitas and had a bit of an accident - he slipped and fell, covering himself in fajita goodness. And in his dazed state, he exclaimed "That can be juice?" but he said it in Italian so it was like “Le tue orecchie sanno di succo?” or something like that I don’t know.
Anyway, this amazing juice was born. It was an instant hit.
But not all stories have happy endings.
Now fast forward after many eras and epochs, the recipe has gone through multiple translations as the sciences got better and much cooler. Unfortunately, the ancient tablet didn't contain a recipe at all, but rather a graphic depiction of a monk execution that involved a tree, a scythe, 4 horses, a jester, wheat, and wax…..I don’t want to talk about it.
But hey, there's a lesson to be learned here - never run with an open sandwich in your hands. And sometimes, the best things in life come from falling flat on your face. Wise words indeed.
Lets get into it
Serves: 2 normal looking people.
Prep Time: 1 hour
Actual Prep Time: 2 hours
Cook Time: 36 minutes
Calories: 1,599 per serving
Ingredients:
1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breast, sliced into thin strips
1 red bell pepper, sliced into thin strips
1 green bell pepper, sliced into thin strips
1 yellow onion, sliced into thin strips
2 tbsp olive oil
2 tsp chili powder
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
8 flour tortillas
Optional toppings: shredded cheese, sour cream, salsa, guacamole
Instructions:
In a large bowl, mix together chicken strips, bell peppers, and onion.
In a small bowl, mix together olive oil, chili powder, paprika, cumin, garlic powder, salt, and black pepper.
Pour the spice mixture over the chicken and vegetables and toss until evenly coated.
Heat a large skillet over medium-high heat and add the chicken and vegetable mixture. Cook, stirring occasionally, for 8-10 minutes, or until chicken is cooked through and vegetables are tender.
Warm the tortillas in a dry pan or in the microwave.
Serve the chicken and vegetable mixture in the warm tortillas, and top with desired toppings.
Put everything in a mixer and mix for 9 minutes.
Pro Tip: Add desired water to taste.
Let it rest for 2 minutes after mixing and then add in a blender for 4 minutes.
Pour in glass but without ice, please.
Serve immediately.
onion, ginger and egg casserole smoothie
Serves: 6 people or 1 person if they drink 6 glasses or 2 people of each drink 3 glasses.
Prep Time: 1 hour
Actual Prep Time: 2 hours
Cook Time: 36 minutes
Calories: 1,599 per serving
Ingredients:
8 large eggs
1 cup milk
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
1/2 tsp dried basil
1/2 tsp dried oregano
6 slices of bread, cut into cubes
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1/2 cup diced ham or bacon
2 cups diced onion (one for the casserole and the other used later)
1/2 cup diced bell pepper
1 whole peeled ginger root.
Instructions:
Preheat oven to 375°F. Grease a 9x13 inch baking dish.
In a large bowl, beat the eggs with the milk, salt, pepper, basil, and oregano. Go to town with the beating!!
Spread the bread cubes in the bottom of the prepared baking dish.
Sprinkle the cheese, ham or bacon, onion, and bell pepper over the bread.
Pour the egg mixture over the bread and ingredients in the baking dish.
Bake in the preheated oven for 30-35 minutes, or until the eggs are set and the top is lightly golden.
Remove from oven and let cool for a few minutes before serving.
Using an ice-cream scooper, scope out all the casserole from the baking dish into a blender and then add the remaining diced onion and the whole ginger root.
Blend on slow until smooth (hence the term “smoothie”), about 2-3 minutes.
Pour the smoothie into glasses with ice and serve quickly. Please, don’t shake or stir. Just….just drink it
Crispy Boiled and broiled Deep Fried Cheese French Fries
Serves: 1.5 people
Prep Time: 5 min
Actual Prep Time: 46 mins
Cook Time: 36 minutes
Calories: 10,000K per serving
Ingredients:
6 large russet potatoes,
Vegetable oil, for the frying
Sliced American cheese
Salt
Instructions:
Rinse and peel the potatoes, then cut into 1/4 inch thick slices.
Soak the potato slices in cold water for at least 30 minutes. This helps remove excess starch and improve the texture of the fries, its more healthy.
Drain and then dry potatoes using paper towel.
In a large, heavy-bottomed pot, heat the oil to 375°F (to convert the degree to °C use the following formula: (°F value − 32) × 5/9 = value in °C). Use a deep-fry thermometer to monitor the temperature.
Deep fry the potatoes in small batches for about 3-4 minutes, or until lightly golden.
Remove from the oil with a slotted spoon and drain on paper towels.
Place the fried potato slices in a large pot and cover with cold water.
Bring the water to a boil over medium-high heat, then reduce the heat to low and let simmer for 8-10 minutes, or until the fries are just tender.
Place the…no wait, we didn’t broil it.
Quickly, preheat oven to 425°F (use the °C conversation formula above if needed) . Line a large baking sheet with parchment paper.
Pour the boiled deep fried fries onto the prepared baking sheet and drizzle with the oil.
Arrange the fries in a single layer on the baking sheet.
Place cheese slices all over the fries until covering the fries completely.
Bake in the preheated oven for 20-25 minutes, and then switch on the oven broil until the cheese slices are bubbling. Leave for 10 minutes.
Remove from the oven and let it cool.
Sprinkle with salt and then mix the cheese and the fries.
Serve immediately without waiting.
Everything but the kitchen sink Sundae Ice Cream
Serves: Beyonce does not write her own songs.
Prep Time: 10 seconds per ingredient. So if they are 2 ingredients that would be 20 seconds.
Calories: 3 watts if eaten all real quick.
Ingredients:
Vanilla ice cream, slightly melted.
Ketchup
Mayonnaise
Mustard
Lemon or lime, whatever is oldest
Balsamic vinegar
Cheese
Lettuce
Sour gummy worms
Jalapeños
Turkey breakfast sausage, 2 only please
Pickles
1 bowl that you won’t need after this (for FDA research sample )
Hazmat suite
Instructions:
Scoop a generous serving of vanilla ice cream into a large bowl.
Drizzle ketchup, hot sauce, mustard, and balsamic vinegar over the ice cream.
Add a handful of grated cheese.
Sprinkle sour gummy worms and jalapeños.
Add the turkey sausages, don’t cut them just add them on top they will melt later after you microwave everything.
Add a few pickles.
Put everything in the freezer for 4-6 hours.
Take out carefully, use the scientific Beaker Tongs (Amazon has them for $430 if you are a prime member).
Microwave in a bowl for 5 minutes.
Take it out and let it rest.
Freeze for 6 hours.
Scoop to your guests.
Let them eat it immediately
Wait
Inside-out (and inside again) Burger
Serves: 1.5 people
Prep Time: Seriously, does it matter? you are reading this. You have plenty of time
Actual Prep Time: ∞
Cook Time: Yes
Calories: All of them.
Ingredients:
0.5 lb. ground beef (80/20 mix)
4 hamburger buns
1 tsp salt
1 tsp black pepper
4 slices of cheese (optional)
Toppings of your choice (lettuce, tomato, onion, pickles, strawberries, etc.)
Instructions:
Preheat a grill or grill pan to high heat.
In a large bowl, gently mix together the ground beef, salt, and pepper.
Divide the mixture into 4 equal portions and shape each one into a patty.
Place the patties on the grill or grill pan and cook for 3-4 minutes per side, or until they reach an internal temperature of 160°F.
During the last minute of cooking, add a slice of cheese on top of each patty, if using.
Toast the buns on the grill or in a pan until lightly browned.
Assemble the burgers as shown in the picture. Basically, start with the lower part of the bun, then patty, then bun, and then cheese,… you know same as the picture.
Boom…Inside out and then inside again burger.
Newlyweds soup
Pressure Cooked English Breakfast Stew
Ingredients:
1 lb. breakfast sausage
1 large onion, chopped
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1 large carrot, diced
1 large potato, diced
1 can (14.5 oz) diced tomatoes
4 cups chicken broth
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 tsp dried thyme
Salt and pepper, to taste
4 large eggs
4 slices of bread, toasted
Instructions:
Set the pressure cooker to the "Brown" setting. Add the breakfast sausage and cook until browned, about 5-7 minutes.
Add the onion, garlic, carrot, and potato to the pressure cooker and cook for 2-3 minutes, until the vegetables are soft.
Stir in the diced tomatoes, chicken broth, tomato paste, thyme, salt, and pepper. Close and seal the lid of the pressure cooker.
Cook on high pressure for 10 minutes. Release the pressure using the quick-release method.
Toast the bread slices and cut into small cubes.
Crack an egg into each of 4 bowls. Ladle the hot soup over the eggs.
Add the toasted bread cubes to the top of each bowl. Serve hot and enjoy!